">HomeOwnerNut

There’s only one thing worse than ugly window treatments: hideous curtains that reek of dust and mildew. What can you say about the unaccountable poor taste homeowners have exhibited from time in memorial in their drapery? I was visiting a friend in New Jersey once and every time I sat on the couch, my sinuses would flood and I’d start to sneeze uncontrollably.

If it’s true that pictures are a suitable substitute for thousands of words about ugly curtains, read on!

Just for Browsing

The valance on this rather hideous window treatment, say the writers at the Carter Family blog, creates a most-unsavory, unbroken appearance reminiscent of an Austin Powers villainess. Hence:

Lily’s Pad

While we’re discussing window treatments straight out of Hollywood, the Ugly House Photos web site dishes up a set of curtains it claims comes directly from Lily and Herman Munsters’ haunted mansion.

Cheese Grits

Bloggers at The Stamford Wife have termed this acrimonious collision between curtains and wallpaper “The Kuntry look”.

Funeral Home Depot

My apologies to lovers of the Victorian era. But this parlor window treatment gives me the willies. I’m sure it’s the right choice for lining your final resting vessel. But it’s just a wee too stuffy for the living.

The Bates’ Motif

Not sure if this example comes from a private home or motel bathroom. Perhaps it’s just me, but if I’m standing up to my neck in steam behind this curtain,  I’m fairly certain that someone one’s skulking in the doorway with a glinting meat cleaver. Even a clear, plastic liner would be an improvement over this Rubic’s-cube -of-death motif.

At Freshome, the writers say that tying in the curtain style with your room theme is probably the best advice.  I’d say it’s the second-best advice, behind having a sense of style to begin with!

I wonder how many of you loyal readers ever saw water run uphill? I have.

The hosts at Knott’s Berry Farm’s now defunct Haunted Shack are seen here pouring a pitcher of water uphill. No, it’s not a high pressure hose gushing uphill. It’s a mystery and wonderment that I first saw as a young boy. Opened in June 1954, the Haunted Shack treated millions of visitors who sat on chairs that defied gravity, tilted precariously on two legs.

The Oregon Vortex

Located in Gold Hill, the Oregon Vortex and House of Mystery has put a new slant on reality since the 1930s. Bottles roll uphill and short people suddenly tower over taller ones. The natural vortex, found all around the world, is a force field that pulls you around more than the IRS. Build a structure atop a vortex with confusing sight lines and you have a tourist trap.

The Mystery Spot

You can’t drive around California very long without seeing a Mystery Spot bumper sticker. Opened in 1940 outside Santa Cruz, the Mystery Spot is built upon another “gravitational anomaly” with a structure that takes advantage of a perfectly dizzying effect.

Cosmos Mystery Area

Floor surfing never looked so good! Located a short drive from Mount Rushmore National Monument, the Cosmos Mystery Area claims visitors can actually stand on a wall. Objects roll uphill. Roadside America has a great list of bizarre gravitational fields with and without formal attractions.

Spook Hill

There’s no structure to view at Florida’s Spook Hill, located between Tampa and Orlando. Instead, you’re the attraction at the so-called gravity hill. At just the right spot, you take your car out of gear and sit back as it rolls uphill. For those out West, there’s a gravity hill in Salt Lake City. You’ll find details from Roadside America’s Field Team.

I’m most interested in hearing from blog readers who have encountered any of these effects at home. I’ve seen plenty of warped rooms and sloped floors in so-called conventional dwellings.