Now that we’re officially past Black Friday and well into the holiday season, it’s time to send out advance warnings against decorating your Christmas tree with grotesque ornaments that may send out the wrong signal to your children, elders, and visitors. I’ve self-censored the more vile ones I discovered this weekend, but the ones I’ve included seem to illustrate the idea well enough.
According to The Holiday Spot, Saint Boniface is credited with providing German citizens with a fir tree and decorations in the 15th Century. The first indoor tree appeared in Strasbourg in 1605. Designs may vary, but rest assured that none of these trees were adorned with:
These yuletide birds come complete with Hawaiian shirts and thong sandals–just like the ones the sparrows of the Galilee once wore.
A favorite of the Kardashian clan, this ornament sets the perfect tone for world peace. What happens in Vegas holiday parties, stays in Vegas.
Go On, You’re Worth It!
Imagine the very idea of associating Christmas with money! This $20 globe of joy comes from Designer Ornaments. If they don’t have an ornament you love, they’ll make you a personalized one…for extra.
Have a Mr. Big Christmas
Startle your relatives and employers with this year’s trend-setting Sex and the City ornament collection. Show them you’re oh, courant!
I Have a Headache in My Eye
The look on your Jewish mother’s face will light the entire room when you unveil your Hanukah bush replete with this menorah ornament. A klog iz mir! You should catch a plague.
Expect a Miracle
This genuine ornament featuring A.A. founder Bill Wilson is a great way to tell your kids that they won’t find you under the tree come Christmas morning!