If clothes make the man, what do lawn ornaments make? A very Zen question, and simple as any Zen question on its surface. What does it mean about you when you plant a fat stone Buddha on your lawn? What if you put a pink flamingo there? Or a wheelbarrow powdered with rust?
Go ahead and consider your lawn and garden an expression of creativity and whimsy. But what I think as “fun” on the clothing-optional beach in Jamaica is hardly “fun” on a sprawling lawn in the Disney-owned Golden Oak community.
A year ago this month I surveyed lawn gnomes for this blog and then tossed all night with foul dreams. Now, these detestable lawn ornaments fuel a craving in me for Imodium:
House exteriors and posteriors
I really have little to say. I think the craze is dying out. Let us hope so.
In the garden of lost car keys
I’ve done it, spent hours in the backyard looking for my keys. One day my flop-flops up and disappeared. Then it was a T-bone, right off the grill!
Say it isn’t so
Bonnie Schupp spotted this lawn ornament outside an antique store in Tennessee. There are more than you think on America’s lawns. I found an article at Horse Info that claims that the first “Jocko” or groomsman hitching post was created by George Washington. Later, slaves escaping to Canada via the Underground Railroad found their way in part by the colors of ribbons tied to Jockos.
The goddess of lawn care
Anthropologists doing a dig of what used to be New Jersey found what appears to have been an ancient goddess of grass and lawns buried in a mound of broken branches, pipes, conduit and vinyl siding. Sometime before the 2012 Apocalypse foretold by Mayans, human beings in the Trenton area apparently erected their goddess statue, sat in a chair, drank beer and worshiped her.
Trolling for taste
I always try to nail the dismount on this blog. Torn between going with a flamingo ornament or a gnome sitting on a mushroom, I chose this hybrid that celebrates three gnomes chowing down on a pink flamingo.