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“There are no grades of vanity,” Mark Twain once wrote, “there are only grades of ability in concealing it.”  I find it entirely amusing that we choose to call the work center where we make the best of our physical imperfections a bathroom vanity. I would guess that the first bathroom vanity was created when Ruke, a hairy cave dweller, dragged a stone next to a water basin where he could cut fat to smear on his face. The Encyclopedia Britannica poses the theory that it wasn’t until the middle 19^th century that people had bathrooms in private homes. You can bet that by then, people in palaces had mirrors and vanities galore.

Today’s vanities range from the outrageous to the historical—from gaudy to simple. There are even diminutive, battery-powered vanities created for camping! Here are a few design ideas for us vain folk:

Spies R Us

Alape’s “Metaphor” vanity looks as if it was designed by the weapons team for James Bond. Love the chrome-plated towel holder!

Shape Up

The Shape Vanity by  Villeroy & Boch is “understated” and a warm combo of wood and metal. I love when the bowl is installed atop the unit. (Pretty vain of me to think wood is earthy and therefore superior.)  See other cool examples at Architonic.

Ye Olde Style Vanity

For those who prefer their vanity served up in classic style, this Chelsea Sink Cabinet  combines a cream granite surface with a porcelain bowl, finished with a solid wood or hardwood veneer.  Home Decorators has an extensive collection for those who want to go old school.

Ye New Whatever School

China-based Dameson Sanitaryware Co. sells this medium-density fiberboard/solid wood combo set with a glass top and ceramic basin–available in white and black.

Hypervanity

Nova Linea pops completely out of the box with this dual-sink model combining classic and fusion ideas. The original Italian creation may simply change your own personal notions of vanity.

I’ll stop here with these examples.  As Michel de Montaigne once remarked, “There is perhaps no more obvious vanity than to write of it so vainly.”

The flight from Sacramento to Seattle took just over an hour and a half and I had completed the New York Times crossword (in ink) in about 12 minutes, so I fished through the seat pocket for a magazine. I usually knock the airline magazine out in 20 minutes, so I snagged the Skymall catalog.  You know, the catalog with a dazzling array of golf-club covers and sub-sonic ear lint cleaners. I could easily do a weekly blog on the home furnishings and man tools you’d never buy. By the time the plane touched down in the Northwest, I had already noted the following items to share with you personally. Because I care.

Shower of Power

Back in the day, the slogan was save water, shower with a friend. But in the new millennium, you don’t need chemicals that mess with your neural transmitters to enjoy a cosmic, colorful experience in the shower stall. The Magic Showerhead changes color from blue to red to green every five seconds. That means if you’re eco-conscious, you can time your showers to save water. $49.99.

Zappa Kitty

Back in the day when we showered with a friend and did funny cigarettes, we’d drive kitty crazy by fanning a flashlight beam across the carpet and up the wall. Today, chemical-free adults can deploy a pre-set program that sends the little fur muffin a-scampering into furniture legs with The Lucky Litter FroliCat Bolt Automatic Laser Toy. $19.95.

Zap Yourself

The Sonic Boom will get you out of the sack after a long night watching your kitten chase a laser beam into a bubbling stewpot. The Boom clock generates wake-up tones at 113 decibels. (Doctors say that 85 decibels are at the edge of safety and sanity). Good morning! $34.95.

Zap the Cops

Skymall offers a  Phantom Alert subscription that sends warnings to your smart phone or GPS whenever there are speed cameras, school zones, speed traps, railroad crossings, and red light cameras nearby as identified in its 400,000+ item database. I’m sure you wish you had a subscription when you (fill in the blank) ___?  $29.99 a year.