">HomeOwnerNut

“Communism is not love. Communism is a hammer which we use to crush the enemy,” once said China’s Mao Tse Tung.  There’s no doubt, nearly thirty years since the Chairman’s death, the hammer Communism has used to crush the American economy has been in cheap consumer goods. Who’d a thunk it, Mao?

But it’s not just your exported firecrackers that blow up in American hands. Looking back over the first half of 2010, dozens of products you sold us to use in our homes have been recalled for fire risks or other potentially lethal hazards. 驚喜!

Here’s a review of voluntary recalls in 2010 for products made in China, courtesy of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Clandestine Eavesdropping Device

About 800 Levana Wireless Video Baby Monitors were recalled this year after distributor Circus World Displays received two reports of the cameras overheating and smoking.

Not So Succulent

Some 5,400 Chinese-made Succulent Plant-Shaped Candles in a Pot were recalled from Crate & Barrel this year after candle wax melted and overflowed into the pot, posing serious burn hazards.

I’ll Have the Fire Pot

Some 25,000 Bella Kitchen 5-quart programmable slow cookers were recalled by distributor Senseo following 60 consumer reports of models sparking, melting, and smoking, damaging fourteen countertops.

Leverage to the People

A thousand Chinese-made Powertec Workbench Leverage Gyms, 2010 version, were recalled after it was determined that the detaching bench created instability and potential risk to exercisers.

Crouching Tiger, Plopping Tookus

Some 7,000 White Tiger Outdoor Folding Chairs, distributed by Fred Meyer Stores, have been recalled after consumers reported “minor injuries, including back and shoulder pain, sprains and contusions” after the chairs collapsed. All apologies to Mao, these chairs were made in Taiwan. For those who don’t understand the difference, check out the Globe and Mail.

Hey, let’s all take a great leap forward!

This is not about taking off your shoes, putting your laptop in a plastic bin, and walking through a radiation device. This is about Home Security.  Up here in the foothills, most of my friends own firearms. Now that’s home security. I’m moving soon to a rural community where no one locks their front door and they leave their car keys on the driver’s side floor mat.

Still, home invasion is nasty, and I’d advise everyone reading this to take whatever measures necessary to feel secure in the burg where they live.  There’s a distinction between common sense and paranoia. Let us observe the difference:

Common Sense

If you live in London, say, a Prikka strip may make for common sense. Europeans have a fine tradition of embedding shards of broken glass atop brick walls to prevent intruders.  According to Solon Security in the U.K., these sharp strips can be nailed or screwed into your outside walls. They come in a range of colors. However, laws in England require you to post a warning sign for would-be burglars that you have installed the barrier.

My Friend Flicker

Why leave a television blaring in your home while away when you can fire up this efficient TV impersonator that uses only 2 percent of the power? Of course, it’s available for purchase at Hammacher and Schlemmer.

Fake It Til You Make It

Why fake the television when you can fake a snarling dog? For $99, the Electronic Watch Dog plays the gentle, in-house sound of the rainforest when a guest approaches, but to an intruder, it sounds an alarm and the threatening growl of a watchdog.  Plus: there are no shots required or a nasty visit to the vet to shorten the wires.

Paranoia

If you must have the real thing, go all the way! Follow the lead of Anna Studer of Tell City, Indiana, and invite Shahzarah, queen of queens, home for a side of beef.  Now that’s peace of mind!