">HomeOwnerNut

You’ve seen them, the home additions gone horribly wrong.  Some homeowners delight in them. They like the unease created by dropping a turret or cupola atop a ranch house. Or there are those who cut out a wall and back a small house trailer up to it.

You’ll find more examples of the Oxymoron School of home design in Los Angeles than in any other city. That’s why I love Ugly Angel, a blog that takes never-ending delight and misery in reviewing Los Angeles architecture and urban development.

On to the uglies:

Montecito Depths

“$308,900 will get you this Montecito Heights remodel,” reports Ugly Angel, claiming that this home — “disfigured, perhaps more than once” — couldn’t be saved by even the best Photoshop effort.

Forensic Remodeling

Can you spot the part of the home that was added to this colonial charmer, dear reader? Take your time. Close one eye and look at the photo. Try the other eye. Need a hint?

Boxing Match

On the positive side, if there is one, the addition is a perfect match to the original dwelling. I found this clever example at Ugly House Photos, your one-stop shop for habitats for the inhumane.

Green with Envy

Another head-turner from Ugly House Photos: an Arizona home addition that boasts of “No heating or cooling to addition.” Talk about sustainability! When I think of spending a relaxing evening at home in it, I have to hide the bullets, sleeping pills, and razor blades.

Commie Pink-Oh

Perhaps this example of the “rustic rambler” is a home addition to the pink house for use in a socialized living situation, commune, or penal colony.  I’d relish a space with open design and immediate proximity to the trash receptacle.  It harmonizes!

In America we love idealizing history.  We reenact Civil War battles. We’re willing to append “Ye Olde” to the name of almost any type of store.  We watch the Antiques Road Show with the fervent belief that anything we pick up at a garage sale could be worth millions just because it’s old, even if it’s actually macramé from the 70s (that’s old, right?). We just can’t stop ourselves–anything will do–we even idealize the outhouse. Man, we’ve got a real problem.

You’d be surprised how many things are out there celebrating a stink-hole you can fall into in the dark after having to haul yourself outside in the dead of night. But they are indeed part of our cherished history, so let’s celebrate them.

Making Plans

Seems like you can buy plans to build just about anything, and the outhouse is no exception. After learning about the history of the outhouse and getting “inspired” by seeing pictures of other people’s outhouses at the Outhouses of America Tour website, you can order plans from them for just $24.95. And you can use the plans to build a real working outhouse. I guess it’s cheaper than renovating your bathroom, but some things are worth springing for. Although it might be helpful to keep unwanted house guests from staying too long. Or at all.

I hope the plans are printed on toilet paper.  Nothing could be more appropriate.

Getting Out

Want to bring a little of the outdoors in?  Why stop at flowers, when you can add a lovely outhouse-themed wallpaper border to your rooms? Pre-pasted and peelable, it’s easy to put up and remove, just in case the primitive bathroom theme may not be the right look for your modern kitchen after all.

Cleaning Up

Now, I’m not sure why you’d want to make your bathtub look like an outhouse, but you certainly can with this outhouse shower curtain from Kmart. I wonder if I’m the only person who can see the danger of making the place you go to get clean look like a place you go for our less clean activities.  Seems like that could lead to confusion for certain people.