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Homeownership: License Required

Let me start of this first post at Home Owner Nut by saying this: People are crazy. And unlike driving a car or owning a firearm, no one checks you for The Crazy before letting you buy a house. Which is why new home owners occasionally end up with stuff like this.

Hey look! That’s my electrical outlet.
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With a…

Uh…
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Is that a popsicle stick? In my ELECTRICAL OUTLET?!

I’ll leave you to ponder that great mystery of home-ownership for a minute.

Maybe as a country we should consider licensing people before we let them buy a house and release them into the big bad world of home maintenance. Possible application questions might be:

1. Have you ever patched nail holes with toothpaste?

2. Do you believe that pantyhose are an appropriate fastening system for basement duct work?

3.) Would you ever shut your heat off for a weekend in sub-zero temperatures so that the water in your toilet bowl becomes a skating rink for mice?

4.) Do you think the appropriate way to fix a low spot in your yard that collects standing water is to turn your downspout around and let it drain into your crawlspace?

5.) Would you consider duct tape a proper way to fix leaky plumbing?

If you answered “yes” to any of the questions above, you should be subject to a 18 month waiting period and a lot of mandatory reading before being given the keys to a home. People, put the popsicle sticks down.

In all fairness however, I would have failed one of those questions with absolute certainty when I bought my first home five years ago.   I’m not going to admit to which one, but suffice it to say… Lesson. Learned.

Which means I have to admit that we all do make mistakes at times, and who knows what desperate housewife was juggling two kids, a pile of laundry, a dog that needed to be let out, and cold air blowing straight into her basement instead of into the sweltering living room, and by Zeus she was going to fix it, even if she had to remove her own pantyhose and use them to get the job done. On one hand it may deserve applause, but fellow homeowners lets all dig down deep and remember we probably won’t be the last people to own these homes.

Here’s to only doing things to my house that I’d want the current owners doing to my future home.

Tell me, what are your “previous owner” nightmares?

2 Responses to “Homeownership: License Required”

  1. jacqueline says:

    We bought a house in Massachusetts with heavy wallpaper installation. A contractor gave us estimates for removing the wallpaper and painting. Estimates had to be revised when he got into the work and discovered that wallpaper had been installed on top of wallpaper on top of wallpaper!

  2. [...] First, yes, I think I’ve made my stance on licensing people for home-ownership pretty clear. [...]

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