">HomeOwnerNut

Some of us want to live in multi-million-dollar homes in gated communities. Some just want to be safe and comfortable, while too many live in cardboard boxes or shelters. That’s why it’s difficult for me to believe in the Disney myth that there is a carefree land of tomorrow. I was stirred to see the story at Yahoo that some 450 homes are for sale now in Golden Oak, a Florida planned community owned by Disney, adjacent to its Orlando parks. Prices, according to Disney, are forecast from $1.4 to $8 million.

Golden Oak interior

Yahoo Photo by Dan Forer

Welcome to the  All-American living room, ala Disney. This dining/living room area has an animation cell look to it, doesn’t it? According to Golden Oak, residents and children have social and educational programs in concert with neighboring Walt Disney World Resort as well as movie nights, culinary adventures and more. For me, the mystique died the day I toured the backstage corridors of Disneyland where mascot mice had their heads off, tucked under their arms, while their human heads chatted and smoked. Anyway, I’m not going to make any additional financial or political remarks. Anyone who thinks Golden Oak will be free of disease, worry or red ants should look more closely at the neighborhood.

Coupe de vil

Just across manicured lawns of Golden Oak and around the curve is the home of ugly Cruella De Vil. Her home is often picketed by PETA members and sometimes puppies cry out in the night. She recently announced her candidacy for the homeowners association board.

A question of residential density

Just across the street, Ms. White, vivacious and sweet, lives in a home with eight cars parked outside. The window glass is always dark, so you don’t  know what they’re doing. Gnarly little dudes zip around the streets in their Minis. It’s like a commune of deadbeat uncles over there.

There’s one in every community

Once you’re in Golden Oak, a sense of security surrounds you. Ironically, this goofball mutt lives down the lane in a crooked house. Science reports very low brain amperage in the large, playful doggie. Every so often he gets excited and dizzy and loses control of the lawn tractor. You can see the rows plowed through the landscaping.

If you’re willing to put up with these characters for your own imagined peace of mind, visit Yahoo for more pictures and information about Golden Oak.

Got money to burn? Crave the aesthetic and romantic warmth of traditional fireplaces without the dust? For at least a decade, those civilized bons vivants across the big pond have led the way in creating fireplaces that double as furniture without the soot and smut of our Yankee-made fire pits. Now they lead the way in energy efficient, green fireplaces that are low in carbon emissions and easy on the gas bill.

Beat seasonal flue

Photo by West County Fires

This Flueless Landscape Novo fireplace by England’s West Country Fires mounts on the wall, requires no chimney (provided your room has natural ventilation), and runs on natural or LPG gas. Frames come in Chrome, Graphite or in  Brilliant White.

Fireplaces as furniture

Photo by Gizmodo

The ARKIANE ICOI is a French mounted-fireplace, with a design modeled after an Inca queen who, legend says, left the Earth in the form of a blazing butterfly.The ICOI is also sold as a recessed model with only the façade and steel frame visible to the eye. A heat recovery unit and ash pan are in the wall interior. If your French is decent, check it out at ARKIANE.

Fireless pit

Photo by Misty Mountains

If you’re more the vinyl siding type than a darling of the uber-French bourgeois school, if you love leather and own a Harley, may I recommend this heat-less, maintenance-free wall treatment by Misty Mountains? Imagine a dreamy, prosaic night at the tattoo studio with just your sweetie, the latest edition of Ink Junky Magazine, a six-pack of Rainier Ale, and the two of you nested like Chinese soup spoons in front of this nougat of art.

The fireplace for windows

Photo by ImperiaSoft

Finally: the no-muss, no-fuss way to build a roaring fire. It’s the 3D Realistic Fireplace Screen Saver programmed by Geliosoft, makers of the 100 Happy Money Screensaver that animates bills and Euros raining down from the heavens. Mount a wireless monitor and you’re set. The fireplace screen saver comes with the sound of crackling wood, three different flame colors, burning logs, smoke and sparkles — and it’s password protected. (No way you want your teenagers to boot up this baby on prom night!)