">HomeOwnerNut

Got money to burn? Crave the aesthetic and romantic warmth of traditional fireplaces without the dust? For at least a decade, those civilized bons vivants across the big pond have led the way in creating fireplaces that double as furniture without the soot and smut of our Yankee-made fire pits. Now they lead the way in energy efficient, green fireplaces that are low in carbon emissions and easy on the gas bill.

Beat seasonal flue

Photo by West County Fires

This Flueless Landscape Novo fireplace by England’s West Country Fires mounts on the wall, requires no chimney (provided your room has natural ventilation), and runs on natural or LPG gas. Frames come in Chrome, Graphite or in  Brilliant White.

Fireplaces as furniture

Photo by Gizmodo

The ARKIANE ICOI is a French mounted-fireplace, with a design modeled after an Inca queen who, legend says, left the Earth in the form of a blazing butterfly.The ICOI is also sold as a recessed model with only the façade and steel frame visible to the eye. A heat recovery unit and ash pan are in the wall interior. If your French is decent, check it out at ARKIANE.

Fireless pit

Photo by Misty Mountains

If you’re more the vinyl siding type than a darling of the uber-French bourgeois school, if you love leather and own a Harley, may I recommend this heat-less, maintenance-free wall treatment by Misty Mountains? Imagine a dreamy, prosaic night at the tattoo studio with just your sweetie, the latest edition of Ink Junky Magazine, a six-pack of Rainier Ale, and the two of you nested like Chinese soup spoons in front of this nougat of art.

The fireplace for windows

Photo by ImperiaSoft

Finally: the no-muss, no-fuss way to build a roaring fire. It’s the 3D Realistic Fireplace Screen Saver programmed by Geliosoft, makers of the 100 Happy Money Screensaver that animates bills and Euros raining down from the heavens. Mount a wireless monitor and you’re set. The fireplace screen saver comes with the sound of crackling wood, three different flame colors, burning logs, smoke and sparkles — and it’s password protected. (No way you want your teenagers to boot up this baby on prom night!)

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) often weighs in during the year to warn us against unhealthy practices or dangerous appliances. Over the holidays, they warned us against Christmas decorations that proved unsafe used under dubious practices at home — like standing a dried-out Yule tree in front of a baseboard heater.

Now the CPSC wants you to look at the model numbers of several winter heating appliances to make sure you’re not (out of ignorance or stubbornness) using a recalled product. Consider yourself duly warned.

Life is short

Photo by CPSC

Speaking of short, that’s what has happened to some of the 13,000 Touch Point Oscillating Ceramic Heaters imported by Meijer Inc. After two home fires were reported and 6,700 recalls, retailers apparently kept selling them. Now that’s tenacity. Consumer tip: if your room fills with smoke, open up or break out a window. I know there’s a related window replacement cost, but I guarantee it will  be less expensive than rebuilding your house.

HVAC villainy

Photo by CPSC

Do you need help in understanding the finer points of home ventilation? Put simply, when your Zoneline Air Conditioner and Heater caches flame and belches fumes, open a door or window and unplug the appliance. GE and Sharp have recalled 90,600 units after manufacturers discovered an electrical component in the units may fail.

Lasko buy a new one

Photo by CPSC

The CPSC reminds consumers to stop using The Lasko Model 5540 and Air King Model 8540 portable heaters. More than 107,000 have been recalled in response to fire hazards. Consumers reported that electrical connections in the bases melt. Contact the manufacturer for a refund.

Since we apparently need  reminders from the CPSC, here are a few facts about continuing to use recalled products:

• You do so under our own peril
• You’re refusing refunds or replacements for recalled items
• While there may be good excuses for burning down your home, fire inspectors may frown upon consumer negligence.