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You don’t have to be a Neanderthal – or Plato – to live in a cave. Humans resided in subterranean dwellings long before we invented trailer parks, condos and warehouse conversions.

Talk about green architecture! Talk about interior design! If you’ve ever prowled the American Southwest, you’ve doubtlessly observed how cool a cliff dwelling is during a scorching Arizona day. I lived in a cave on the island of Rhodes and never longed for electrical devices, heating or appliances. And now, you can buy the ultimate in cave homes just on the outskirts of Bisbee, Ariz.

Subterranean conversions feel just like home

Photo by Yahoo

This week, Yahoo reported on a 37-acre estate replete with a 2,890-square foot dwelling that includes a guest house, home office, and library. For $1.5 million you can take it all for granite.

Interior design for romantic primitives

Photo by The Seattle Times

An American photographer and her Turkish partner bought this lovely cave in Ortahisar, Turkey, and they outfitted the bedroom with a brass bed. They bought the cave for around $5,500, thereby forever avoiding Turkish window glass prices. Check out the story in the Seattle Times.

Going native

Photo by Inhabitat

Missouri is renowned for its sandstone caves. Here in Festus, Curt and Deborah Sleeper performed a mind-bending cave conversion into this 15,000-square-foot home that uses geothermal and passive solar energy. You won’t find a heater or air conditioner in the place!

Man-cave inside a cave

Photo by Underground Homes

If you love man caves, you’ll marvel at what the owner has done with this place in Coober Pedy, South Australia. Coober Pedy calls itself the “Opal Capital of the World” and more than half its residents live in underground homes.

Pass the SPF 5.

Got money to burn? Crave the aesthetic and romantic warmth of traditional fireplaces without the dust? For at least a decade, those civilized bons vivants across the big pond have led the way in creating fireplaces that double as furniture without the soot and smut of our Yankee-made fire pits. Now they lead the way in energy efficient, green fireplaces that are low in carbon emissions and easy on the gas bill.

Beat seasonal flue

Photo by West County Fires

This Flueless Landscape Novo fireplace by England’s West Country Fires mounts on the wall, requires no chimney (provided your room has natural ventilation), and runs on natural or LPG gas. Frames come in Chrome, Graphite or in  Brilliant White.

Fireplaces as furniture

Photo by Gizmodo

The ARKIANE ICOI is a French mounted-fireplace, with a design modeled after an Inca queen who, legend says, left the Earth in the form of a blazing butterfly.The ICOI is also sold as a recessed model with only the façade and steel frame visible to the eye. A heat recovery unit and ash pan are in the wall interior. If your French is decent, check it out at ARKIANE.

Fireless pit

Photo by Misty Mountains

If you’re more the vinyl siding type than a darling of the uber-French bourgeois school, if you love leather and own a Harley, may I recommend this heat-less, maintenance-free wall treatment by Misty Mountains? Imagine a dreamy, prosaic night at the tattoo studio with just your sweetie, the latest edition of Ink Junky Magazine, a six-pack of Rainier Ale, and the two of you nested like Chinese soup spoons in front of this nougat of art.

The fireplace for windows

Photo by ImperiaSoft

Finally: the no-muss, no-fuss way to build a roaring fire. It’s the 3D Realistic Fireplace Screen Saver programmed by Geliosoft, makers of the 100 Happy Money Screensaver that animates bills and Euros raining down from the heavens. Mount a wireless monitor and you’re set. The fireplace screen saver comes with the sound of crackling wood, three different flame colors, burning logs, smoke and sparkles — and it’s password protected. (No way you want your teenagers to boot up this baby on prom night!)