">HomeOwnerNut

Here we are again, at the end of an excellent year for celebrating the most dubious of home improvements. We’ve seen revolting home interiors, botched paint jobs, grotesque house exteriors and raunchy furniture. As the year closes up like puckering lips under the mistletoe, let’s dump out the foulest examples and say good riddance, 2011!

The ugliest fence

Photo by Rick's Fencing

There are lots of contenders but few winners. Oregon’s Rick’s Fencing chose this Corvallis fence as the worst of the year in its annual contest. If good fences make good neighbors, avoid living next door to this place. The homeowner (mercifully unnamed here) won “100 feet of free fencing materials” from Rick’s.

Arresting door of the year

Photo by New Jersey.com

Ohio police officer Michael Cleary submitted this photo to New Jersey.com’s annual ugly door contest. One voter remarked: “I expect that door to open and Liberace to be standing there.” Since Liberace passed in 1987, I reckon he would easily look better than the door. If this photo isn’t enough to induce vomiting, watch five minutes of any movie with Ashton Kutcher.

Tackiest lamp of the year

Photo by Find Great Stuff

A Tennessee woman created this lamp for a single Gatlinburg man in the hopes of keeping him warm on winter nights. I’d prefer setting a bonfire on the sofa and singing “Tenting Tonight”  to my ferret.

Fixer-urper

Photo by Milwaukee Rennaisance

The wood may still be salvageable underneath the siding in this most-foul of outdoor treatments. I’d recommend running a jackhammer across the surface and then dynamiting the rest of the place.

Worst carpet of the decade

Photo by Las Vegas Carpets

Earlier this year, I ran a retrospective of ugly carpets from Vegas. This is what you call a “throw rug”; you roll it up and throw it in the dumpster.

Here’s to a New Year luxuriant in décor and dazzling with fine taste. But I doubt it!

Imagine the plight of Henry Margusity, a blogger for Pennsylvania-based AccuWeather. He not only tracked the vicious hail storm that shredded through Pine Grove Mills, PA in May 2010, he owned one of the homes that was peppered by ice rocks.

They say that the thicker your vinyl siding product, the greater its ability to withstand the forces of nature. But unless you have a Kevlar shroud around your house exteriors, there are times when the environment wins.

Dear sir, that’s an ugly wound you have

Photo by Airpark Collision Center

If hail stones can make the rear window of a Beemer look like it’s been through the country roads outside Feyzābād, imagine what it does to thin siding. The hail dented the hood and trunk of Margusity’s car, but have a gander what it did to the exteriors:

The environment strikes back

Photo by AccuWeather

Driven by wind, the hailstones that slammed into Margusity’s siding also ripped off half a shutter on the house and peppered an entry door at the home across the street. Read more about it at AccuWeather.

Meteorological madness

Photo by KNIA Radio

A month before the storm stippled Pine Grove Mills, a similar hail storm raced at 60 miles per hour through central Iowa, turning this vinyl siding effort into unpalatable Swiss cheese. The wind was strong enough to whistle through the open door residential garage and blow down two walls. You come home to damage like this, pour yourself a tall adult beverage. While you’re awaiting a call back from the insurance company, you can always read Margusity’s blog.

Putting a new face on home exteriors

Photo by Denver Siding Solutions

Your vinyl siding may be insured against these projectiles, but read the terms carefully. Often the provisions are for just the damaged face of siding to be replaced. After a few years, your siding color will have faded. Now you’re looking at un-matched colors around your house. The answer? Paint your siding with high-grade acrylic latex paint to match the new panels.