These photos got me to thinking about homeowner’s insurance and coverage for nature’s angry outbursts. Thanks to Pamela Stevens of TopTen Reviews, I have the skinny for you.

Ugly outcome when the earth roars

Photo by USGS

In 1971, a magnitude 6.7 quake threw me out of bed, across the room, and dropped a bookcase on me. We were luckier than many in the San Fernando Valley. Stevens writes that if you have private homeowner’s insurance, you can add earthquake endorsements. If you live in California, the California Earthquake Authority offers coverage.

Twister assister

Photo by Richmond Times-Dispatch

Even if you live where this is a common sight, you can buy tornado coverage as part of your homeowner’s policy. Make sure you get repair coverage for hail, which typically shows up at the same time to hammer dings into even the best vinyl siding.

Surf’s up

Photo by Freak Waves

Don’t assume your homeowner’s insurance will cover damage from flooding. Stevens says you must secure a policy purchased through the National Flood Insurance Program.

Crispy creamed

Photo by Premier Choice Restoration

You can get fire damage endorsements throughout the country – unless you live in a high-risk area or a long way from the nearest fire station. Stevens says insurance companies can refuse you coverage. To find out if you live in a high-risk zone, check with The National Interagency Fire Center.

DOH!

Photo by Indy Media

Sad to say, most insurers will not offer coverage for radiation damage if you live near a nuclear power plant. Perhaps you should consider using lead when evaluating replacement windows.

Talk about green architecture! Talk about interior design! If you’ve ever prowled the American Southwest, you’ve doubtlessly observed how cool a cliff dwelling is during a scorching Arizona day. I lived in a cave on the island of Rhodes and never longed for electrical devices, heating or appliances. And now, you can buy the ultimate in cave homes just on the outskirts of Bisbee, Ariz.

Subterranean conversions feel just like home

Photo by Yahoo

This week, Yahoo reported on a 37-acre estate replete with a 2,890-square foot dwelling that includes a guest house, home office, and library. For $1.5 million you can take it all for granite.

Interior design for romantic primitives

Photo by The Seattle Times

An American photographer and her Turkish partner bought this lovely cave in Ortahisar, Turkey, and they outfitted the bedroom with a brass bed. They bought the cave for around $5,500, thereby forever avoiding Turkish window glass prices. Check out the story in the Seattle Times.

Going native

Photo by Inhabitat

Missouri is renowned for its sandstone caves. Here in Festus, Curt and Deborah Sleeper performed a mind-bending cave conversion into this 15,000-square-foot home that uses geothermal and passive solar energy. You won’t find a heater or air conditioner in the place!

Man-cave inside a cave

Photo by Underground Homes

If you love man caves, you’ll marvel at what the owner has done with this place in Coober Pedy, South Australia. Coober Pedy calls itself the “Opal Capital of the World” and more than half its residents live in underground homes.

Pass the SPF 5.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports of about 37,000 emergency room visits a year from victims of nail gun mishaps, some 40 percent to DIY homeowners who don’t work in the construction trades. Even among carpenters, the tools of destruction take their toll. Over a four-year stretch, the CDC says, one out of four apprentice carpenters are in inadvertently nailed; one out of five are injured twice.

Gettin’ nailed

Photo by Wise Brother

For heaven’s sake, the CDC says, take your hand off the trigger! Homeowners should buy nail guns with a full sequential trigger that protects them from rapid fire. Multiple nailers can end up sending a direct message to the brain via your expensive bridge work.

Home improvements, body decrements

Photo by Kaj R. Svensson

Nail guns are great time-saving tools for a range of jobs, from hanging drywall to vinyl siding. Workplace experts, The Occupational Safety & Health Administration, warns against novice use of the multi-shot, dual-action trigger which can be discharged by a simple bump.

Whoa, doggy!

Photo by News.com Australia

Lil’ pooches don’t like being nailed, either. Nails can ricochet when fired into hard surfaces or metal. Shoo away onlookers or anyone else not firing nail guns. Don’t expect nails to lodge into a piece of lumber; many projectiles pass through and keep on going. Fluke accidents, in retrospect, are completely understandable. A great many professional contractors are injured when they bypass tool safety mechanisms, the CDC says.

Be careful! You might just end up with unexpected bling:

Photo by Eplasty

You’re lucky if you live in a residential conclave where there are homeowners’ association decorating caveats. Not everyone does, however. If you find yourself stuck next to a neighbor who believes that painting their home like a bilious gallbladder is a tasteful thing, you may be really stuck. In this market moving is not so easy.

Hello Kitty, goodbye sanity

Photo by House Logic

In 1960, Shintaro Tsuji created the now-legendary Hello, Kitty line of plastic purses. Today, there are 22,000 products lines in this motif. Let us hope that this is the only such home. I’m not recommending arson, but I’d certainly understand the impulse,

Purple rain, ugly residential pain

Photo by Country Joy Crafts

Several manufacturers make plum colored vinyl siding colors, but you’ve got to get out the buckets and  brushes to create something like this. It reminds me of the artificial color used in grape Popsicles. As I recall, the hue stayed on your tongue for the entire summer.

The sum-of-all-fears motif

Photo by Handiman Club

This theme combines all the elements of a metal roof patina, distressed shutter effects and contrasting flesh-tone paint. Unfortunately, they should never have been combined. Witness the tragic characteristics of a do-it-yourself exterior painting effort done while under the influence.

A bad idea executed to perfection

Photo by Recentering El Pueblo

I love the cottage and pueblo look you find in Arizona and California. I do not like the look that says, “Help, we’re trapped inside by creatures that eat brain cells.”  An appropriate façade for Solano Prison is not necessary an apt exterior for residential Santa Ana. If you can find a door bell, for heaven’s sake don’t ring it!

What is it about Victorian architecture, anyway? Well-kept or restored Vicks are a delight. There’s one overlooking the sea where I live that always takes my breath away. And it’s green, too, with well-matched energy efficient replacement windows and a new copper roof.  Nonetheless, an unkempt old house is enough to scare the pants off of me to this day.

How to terrify, Pt. 1

Photo by Austin Home Restorations

According to the folks at Austin Home Restorations, a scary house has to be old and large, have neglected house exteriors and a spooky background story.

Salem architecture

Photo by The Mirror Up to Nature

Not all spooky homes are Victorians. I’ve never been to Massachusetts, but I can see that some parts of Salem are haunted to this day. The exteriors of this place recall the Amityville home where those gruesome murders took place. Come on, people! Painting an old house isn’t all that difficult.

Bewitchingly apt

Photo by Andrew's Blog

This New Jersey home in Freehold was used for the exteriors in the production of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Add a dark night with clouds streaming across the face of the moon, mix with a dash of moaning hounds, and finish it off with a wind-blown creaking gate. Brrr!

Green center of horror

Photo by The Green ABC's Blog

Indiana’s April Brewster Smythe posted this blog photo to promote the Green Center Haunted School House. Just a few miles from Churubusco, Green Center is located at the intersection of CR 300S and CR 300E in Noble County, just in case you want to walk by some creepy evening.

The ugliest fence

Photo by Rick's Fencing

There are lots of contenders but few winners. Oregon’s Rick’s Fencing chose this Corvallis fence as the worst of the year in its annual contest. If good fences make good neighbors, avoid living next door to this place. The homeowner (mercifully unnamed here) won “100 feet of free fencing materials” from Rick’s.

Arresting door of the year

Photo by New Jersey.com

Ohio police officer Michael Cleary submitted this photo to New Jersey.com’s annual ugly door contest. One voter remarked: “I expect that door to open and Liberace to be standing there.” Since Liberace passed in 1987, I reckon he would easily look better than the door. If this photo isn’t enough to induce vomiting, watch five minutes of any movie with Ashton Kutcher.

Tackiest lamp of the year

Photo by Find Great Stuff

A Tennessee woman created this lamp for a single Gatlinburg man in the hopes of keeping him warm on winter nights. I’d prefer setting a bonfire on the sofa and singing “Tenting Tonight”  to my ferret.

Fixer-urper

Photo by Milwaukee Rennaisance

The wood may still be salvageable underneath the siding in this most-foul of outdoor treatments. I’d recommend running a jackhammer across the surface and then dynamiting the rest of the place.

Worst carpet of the decade

Photo by Las Vegas Carpets

Earlier this year, I ran a retrospective of ugly carpets from Vegas. This is what you call a “throw rug”; you roll it up and throw it in the dumpster.

Here’s to a New Year luxuriant in décor and dazzling with fine taste. But I doubt it!

Doors of perception

Photo by Consumer Product Safety Commission

Liebherr, Austrian makers of high-end refrigerators are recalling three models with doors that can come off in your hand.  (Oh, that’s an ugly scar!) Is this the quality you expect  in a fridge that sells for $3,800? It’s the perfect Yuletide gift for people who like to stand in front of the open door, surveying leftovers.

Stewed to the grills

Photo by Consumer Product Safety Commission

Unsure how to personalize your kitchen renovation?  Try burning ugly scorch marks on your cabinets. It’s easy if you own one of the 27,000 Wolfgang Puck Electric Reversible Tri-Grill/Griddles imported from China by W.P. Appliances Inc. The recalled units in question tend to overheat and, if that’s not enough, they pose an electrical shock hazard.

Get toasted for the holidays

Photo by Consumer Product Safety Commission

Hamilton Beach is recalling 14,000 of its classic chrome, 2-slice toasters after consumers reported that the heating element fires up when the toaster is plugged into the wall. No need to push down the lever! Get yourself a replacement before your toaster initiates its own cabinet refacing project.

Now look what you’ve done

Photo by Consumer Product Safety Commission

Sure, we love great designs. But if you’re bent on reflecting on your self-image in one of the PAX AURLAND wardrobe mirror doors,  buy supplemental health insurance. The CPSC has encouraged IKEA to recall the product since “the mirror glass can detach unexpectedly from the wardrobe door, fall and shatter, posing a laceration hazard to consumers.” Who’s the fairest of them all?

Feliz caveat emptor!

Powered by bonehead

Photo from No Solo Gadgets

According to Weird News, 27 people have died over the last decade by testing batteries on their tongue. A suggestion: Put the battery INTO the appliance and see if it powers up that way.

Window on folly

Photo from Book of Odds

Left to their own, Christmas trees do not start fires. More than two dozen people have died since 1997 trying to water a Christmas tree draped with electric lights. Nothing like adding a little sizzle to dull home interiors. The thing about Christmas fires is that they burn hot and spread like, well, wildfire. I don’t know if you’ve checked out new window prices and drywall installation costs, but I’m sure you’d rather spend your money on X-Box accessories.

Having a holiday blowout

Photo from Michaels & Smolak

You probably would not be surprised at the number of people who throw safety to the wind. The odds of hurrying to the ER as a result of a Christmas gun accident, Weird News says, is one in 12,610. Please unwrap new firearms outdoors while aiming the muzzle away from Aunt Veronica.

Pin it on the donkey

Photo from Gordana Zikic

OK, I only pass on what I read on the Web. Apparently, more than 200 featherbrains are admitted to ERs after failing to remove all the pins before trying on gift shirts. I tell you, it’s a conspiracy of devil haberdashery.

Happiest holidays, dear readers!

Is this ugly, or is it me?

Photo by Ugly House Photos

My favorite blog of the disagreeable and dreadful, Ugly House Photos, hosts this monstrosity. Are these truly window accessories, re-purposed shower curtains, or torture aids used by the intelligence service?

Bed, bath, and the great beyond

Photo by Ugly House Photos

I hope I never get to see these window treatments in the flesh. Window replacement costs being what they are, why would you cover your light on the world with coffin liners?

This decorating goes to eleven

Photo by Work Room Intelligence

Certainly rich and ebullient, this monumental valence is a tad busy. I think my sweetheart of the rodeo wore this to Woodstock.

Valence with a vengeance

Photo by You Paid More Than Me

If you’re into the dingle-ball era of home exteriors, this valence may be the right choice to grace your period sitting room. Taken as a whole, I can’t take it at all: there are no curtains or drapes to complete the look. On one hand, it appears that the vampire bat has made it through the window. With its brevity, it lends the overall affect that you’ve been pantsed.

Liberty Valance

Photo by Weird Wild Realm

If your window treatments are terrorizing your home, you need to take them out and shoot them.

In December, Romans celebrated the solstice for Saturn, the god of agriculture, by decorating their homes with evergreens. Pick your own reasons to celebrate. But no matter your beliefs, please, please do not decorate your home with objects that look like these:

Getting the decorating brush-off

Photo by Apartment Therapy

I really don’t need to know the spiritual connotations behind this holiday tree. I suppose you can fit empty beer bottles over the brushes and clean them for constructing a larger tree.

How refreshing, how green

Photo by Ugly Christmas Trees

See, just stack your freshly washed beer bottles into this glass obelisk to celebrate Bacchus, the god of headaches and projectile vomiting. Check out the more of offensive year-end shrubbery entered into a bad-taste contest at Ugly Christmas Trees.

Ugly or unique: You decide

Photo by Xigre

Let’s put it this way: either this tree was constructed by designers who emptied the green beer bottles into their gullets or by quirky aficionados of the tuba school of home decor. If you like this, Xigre has more to show you.

My tree

Photo by Philadelphia Weekly

You don’t complete seven years in college studying literature without learning how to arrange your bookcase to honor the equinox. The volume at the top, The Collected Novels of Henry Miller, is probably inappropriate.

If you’re going to grandmother’s house, then pac, man

Photo by Xigre

The cultural savvy of how to choose your decoration is passed down through generations. If you were skipped over, Reader’s Digest can tell you how to pick the perfect tree.

One last thing:  No matter your choice, please use safe and non-toxic Christmas tree preservatives this year. If you don’t, yule be sorry!