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Once, on my way to grad school in Alabama, I stopped at a motel in Coldwater, Mississippi. It was 106 degrees outside and humid, and the sign advertising a pool drew me to register at the motel. Imagine my delight when I dove, unthinking, blind to heat, headlong into the pool to discover it was filled to the brim with cute little frogs. It was like diving into a vat of frog jello. And it took hours to get the froggy taste out of my mouth with Jack Daniels.
To that end, here are some pools to consider flat out for spring:
Exhibit 1. Composting Spittoon
Add household trash, thick red earthworms, and let it bake in the sun. Upside: loamy planting materials for spring. Downside: smells like gangrenous sheep thighs.
Exhibit 2. Spirulina Splashdown
Easily accomplished algae empire. Let spores enter the pool naturally and do nothing. Upside: Harvest, dry, bottle, and sell as supergreen probiotic formula with natural antioxidants. Downside: Unscheduled visits by the FDA.
Exhibit 3. Toxic Waste Wading Pond
You see this kind of backyard treatment in most every region of the land. Ergo: it’s a designer subgenre of the Spirulina Splashdown, albeit resized for toddlers and pets. Upside: Makes for an exceptional skate park second only to the Gangsta Dry Plunge (see below) if you can avoid the deep end. Downside: Breeds mosquito pupa carrying Chikungunya, dengue fever, malaria, yellow fever, and the West Nile virus.
Exhibit 4. Bumpy Pool Skimmer
I’ve found that people in Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana seldom have trouble kicking kids out of the pool come dinner time. Once “Sparky” is splashing about, doing routine “Sparky” laps, most guests hop right on out, grab their towels and cocktails, and head for the dressing room. Upside: Keeps out pesky guests and burglars. Downside: Eats your pool man.
Exhibit 5. Gangsta Dry Plunge
Nicely tagged and ready for use. Climate friendly. Upside: Always proper pH. Downside: Nocturnal groans.
4 Responses to “Unlikely Pool Ideas for Spring”
With all of the foreclosures(aka. abandon houses) in Las Vegas and southern California, I bet the skaterboarders are having a field day. When I was young it was rare to find a pool without water in it….
I think that people that have given up on keeping their pools clean should turn them into fish farms to feed the poor! Although everyone knows that wild caught goldfish are healthier than farm raised…..
[...] complementary window to the Spirulina Splashdown pool I featured recently, this breeder reactor of child-onset asthma, at first appears to be a [...]
That frog jello reminds me of 8th grade science class when another kid put a partially dissected frog down the back of my shirt. It slithered down my spine, open cavity side facing me, still having flash backs!