Useless Contraptions: It’s Only Money
- May 21st, 2010 (by Woodrow)
- In: Design, Dislike, Electrical, Kitchens, Other Improvements, The Bad
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The term “disposable income” seems awfully specious to me. I made one mistake this year, buying a battery-powered gadget that the manufacturer claimed would keep my razor blades sharp for six months.
I see more absurd kitchen devices and bizarre, useless furnishings all the time. I know a great many people, and I can think of only one that disposes their income with nauseating abandon. If you think twenty dollar bills are what you use for lighting cigars, here’s a roundup of gear you can’t live without.
Chowtime for Wolfie
Hate it when Wolfie circles the dinette in search of scraps and handouts? Then park him in one of these Hammacher Schlemmer doggie high chairs. The sound of the opening chair makes Wolfie simply salivate. (Bye-bye fifty bucks.)
Tube-Steak for Two
Speaking of doggies, you can pop out a couple of franks and buns in minutes with this 660-watt toaster. It’s a great way to incinerate a $50 bill. Visiting the Hammacher Schlemmer website is like pawing through one of those airliner gift catalogs while waiting for clearance to land.
I Miss You This Much
You’ll never feel alone again after buying a Buddy Throw from Charles and Marie. Or pretend it’s a crime scene outline of your Ex. Either way, you’re out $139.
Money to Burn
This candle holder only costs $24 and costs no energy to operate. Just plug the dead cord into the wall and fire up some fresh wax with a kitchen match. A green solution for people who love to throw away greenbacks.
The King’s Official Sniffer
For just under a ten spot you can avoid eating tainted meat. This battery-powered sensor is for people, I suppose, who can’t read expiration dates on supermarket meat or have burned out their olfactory cells. Doesn’t everyone know the adage: Green meat, don’t eat.
3 Responses to “Useless Contraptions: It’s Only Money”
Perhaps your best article yet, Woodie………but why stop there? There are simply TONS of worthless goodies for sale, and your reference to airline mags is a great place to start. I am recently impressed with the quantity of I-pod gadgets and add-on’s (who said they were only available in the I-store?). Speaking of, a visit to the I-Store is now very much like a wander through the Eye-Sore Mecca – but then, that’s an entirely different topic, right? At least I don’t find any do-it-yourself fixer-upper-tools there – or, uh, at least, not yet anyway.
I miss you this much! Hahahah that should be given to everyone who is in a long distance relationship. That is amazing. So is that hot dog toaster, what a glorious invention that is. Hot dog sales have to be skyrocketing.
THE SKY MALL catalog is full of this useless crap, and I love it all! I actually own the “travel vest” with 27 pockets to store your travel necessities. What I really want is the lawn aerating shoes, that have 3 inch nails on the bottom for well…aerating your lawn as you wander aimlessly around your back yard.