As British historian Arnold J. Toynbee once remarked: “America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.” Or, if you like, “The only noticeable wink of fashion we understand is excess.” I wrote that this morning considering the largess of American style and manners in furnishings.
Have a look at these, but don’t stare too long.
Exhibit 1. The Basic Instinct
If your furnishings could but re-enact the erotic thriller in your home, this chair would play the Sharon Stone role. ‘Nuff said.
Exhibit 2. Kosmic Cheap Thrills
Designer Apryl Miller gets the nod for this brilliant sunshine daydream. My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.
Exhibit 3. Rock On!
Is this the dog in the middle of the room no one dare talk about? D.H. Lawrence wrote in The Rocking Horse Winner: “Although they lived in style, they felt always an anxiety in the house.”
Exhibit 4. Kitschy Guy
Sumo wrestlers-in-training gobble down 15,000 calories of chanko-nabe stew a day, taking naps after meals to help build fat. (Linguistic aside: according to the Urban Dictionary, the Japanese word for “crazy” is kichigai.)
Exhibit 5. Social Climber
It’s a love-seat for giraffes, social gaffes, or just for laughs.
Exhibit 6. Wedding Suite at the Apnea Resort, Terra Haute
It looks incredibly comfortable, for about two minutes. I’d spend the rest of the night curled up in the Sharon Stone chair.
Exhibit 7. White Tux Dinner at Six
David Blázquez’s design seems the perfect, ice-breaking dinette to tell mom and dad about your new partner.
Exhibit 8. Incredibly Self-Absorbed
Okay, this chandelier made entirely of a hygiene product was more than I ever expected to find. I’m including it because of a nifty wager that I wouldn’t post it. It seems the perfect lighting for the ugliest houses posted by Jessie. Good golly: what were they thinking?